Thursday, April 3, 2014

U.S. Wasting another $700,000 in tax dollars to create a musical about Global Warming.

Finally! Global Warming, The Musical

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Maybe you didn’t catch that. Our most giving righteous wise government, through its National Science Foundation, gave seven-hundred-thousand dollars to a group to put on a play about global warming. Seven. Hundred. Thousand. Dollars. American tax dollars. Science.
Our friend LuboŇ° Motl writes all about it; Daily Caller has a few tidbits, too. The plot of the play:
Through her search, Phyllis uncovers a mysterious plot surrounding the upcoming international climate summit in Auckland. As the days count down to the Auckland Summit, Phyllis must decipher the plan and possibly stop it in time. With arresting projected film and video and a wide-ranging score of songs, The Great Immensity is a highly theatrical look into one of the most vital questions of our time: how can we change ourselves and our society in time to solve the enormous environmental challenges that confront us?
Right out of the Protocols of the Elders of Oil. The only reason everybody hasn’t rushed to link arms and cease exhaling carbon dioxide is because they have been hoodwinked. The ignorant fools!
Well just wait until the public gets a lot of the hit song from The Great Immensity “Margin of Error”, perhaps the first instance in recorded history in which an opinion poll is set to music. $700,000. Science.
Now Yours Truly fancies himself a bit of a playwright. His Dinner with Atheists was performed on Broadway (the author read it aloud while walking down that very street). And his Sandra Fluke Mows The Lawn was considered by him for various nominations of actual awards, such as the Tony.
So it is with some authority I speak on this topic. You therefore know you can trust me when I say I want to get in on this. Seven-hundred-thousand dollars is a lot of money and I deserve it. Gimme.
My global warming musical will be called It’s the End of the World and it’s All Your Fault. Plot thus far:
Young scientist Nigel is watching Fox News when he has an epiphany. The reason his grants aren’t funded is that he hasn’t yet admitted the world is about to end. He converts and finds success! Join him on his one-man quest to find love and to never quite solve the problem of Global Warming (if it were solved, then no more grants). [I'm still trying to work in a sword fight. Everybody loves sword fights.]
I preview for you today fragments of the soon-to-be hit songs.
Wither the Weather?
The weather
   She’s a changin’
You’d betta
   Cry like a little girl
The storms
   Gettin’ stronger
Summer squalls
   Causing people minor inconveniences.
The hot heat
   She’s a risin’
Ever hotter
   Almost a whole tenth of degree more in the next fifty years.
Baby, It’s Hot Outside
Take off that coat, baby
   It’s hot outside.
No need for that scarf, baby
   It’s hot outside.
The thermometer is readin’ lower
   You know it’s hot outside
But the models say it’s higher
   That’s why it’s hot outside.
The icicles on your nose
   Confirm it’s hot outside
The endless winter weather
   Mean global warming’s on its way.
Oh baby! It’s so hot outside!
Denier!
I met a man on the street this day
Who tried to tell me that
Global warming was no threat to me
That cooling was where it’s at.
So I shouted Denier!
And shot him in the head.
The judge,
who was an Obama appointee,
let me go Scott Free.
Justice!
Get Me That Grant
Get me that grant, oh!
   Get me that grant
Get me that grant, oh!
   Get me that grant
Oh, Get me that grant
   A really big grant
Oh, Get me that grant
   A whopping big grant
Gimme that grant now
   How else can we learn?
I want it real bad now
   Else the world will burn!
And now for brilliance. Let’s make this a collaborative effort. Everybody join in and provide your own songs. But the time we’re finished even the fishes in the sea will be humming our tunes and then the world will be a better place!
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